booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
