You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
