I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
