You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
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