Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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