you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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