May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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