The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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