So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
