Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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