my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
