i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
