And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
