i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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