Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
