It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
