you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
worst night to have a conscience
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
