remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
