I hope mine doesn't look like that
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
