She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
