They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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