saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
