Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
