i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
