Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
