All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
