I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
