You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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