So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This baby is an asshole
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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