who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
