I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You don't make any sense
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