Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
