I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
As shirtless as possible
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
and you fell through a lawn chair
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
