SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
