She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
