Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
