You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
