Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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