Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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