You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
