Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
