you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
