ugly people sure do ruin things
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just invented taco cereal.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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