my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
it's like iHOP with fire
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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