I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
A+ Viking dick
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
