i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
