That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
