If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Holy shit dude........stairs
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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