I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
