when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
