i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
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