WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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